We miss you

This blog was started by my wonderful husband, Bob McGowan,  last year as a blog of hope and humour. He began it when he was first diagnosed with cancerous tumours and the idea was that he would detail the ups and downs of his treatment together with anecdotes from his career.

Unfortunately he was not given enough time to carry out this wish, and a year ago today he joined old friends and family in his “new bar” as our daughter puts it.    

I would like to say what this year has been like for me and my lovely family, but If I am not to betray the essence of this blog I feel I can only allow myself to say one thing – I miss him like mad, and so do Doug and Em.

He was the kindest, most loving, bravest and wisest person I ever had the privilege to know. I wish he was still here by my side.

He is deeply mourned by Pauline, Doug and Em.

It’s our anniversary today my darling. It’s not the first time we spent it apart, thirty years ago you were in the Southern Hemisphere in the Falkland Islands.  Those three months when we were separated were some of the most worrying and painful of our lives together, but they pale into insignificance in comparison with these past twelve months, I had never felt such pain and loss as I do each moment now.   A year ago we still had hope.   I am desolate without my soul mate.

Last year we spent a wonderful day taking the small ferry to Denia, having a terrific lunch in Marques de Campo and laughing a lot.   It lives for ever in my memory and always will.  The small video we took that lovely day is presently too painful to watch, but at least I have it to remind me, if I ever need anything to remind me of you.

I miss you my husband.  I know you’re still here with me, you send me little signs that you are. You sent me one today, thank you.

I was and still am, so proud that you chose me to be your wife and the mother of your two amazing children.  And I am so proud of you and all that you did in your life, and the example you set me, our family and others of strength of purpose and courage.

Wherever you are, know that I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.

God bless and stay safe.

Your devoted and loving wife, Pauline 

Anniversary